cobain on ludes? add some smack and go for it!

starts simply confusing and harsh. loads of production issues - too many to mention as I think this is far more a songwriter demo than a real attempt at something hot ...

lots of guitar in this mix. in fact, lots of volume!

drums are naff ... a bit too simplistic in scope, it has variations but no believable delivery. and be very very careful about using an open hihat of this sort - it comes across s completely fabricated. bass is too easy but at least it holds the song to dirt.

the guitars are massively loud but I do dig the progression and basic near-riff of the verse. the chorus is far too predictable and seems to automatically take the vocals to a very similar predictability that will tend to bore a whole lot of people as it's very "been there, done that" - like a hundred thousand times. try just changing up just one chord there or at least adding some color to it by flavoring the root with 7ths or 11ths or diminished or augmented or something - cus I could hear that part coming from miles and miles away.

but the verses have something - especially cus of where the melody goes over it. it's simple. nirvana like. probably too much. in fact, the whole song kinda thieves from them but it took me a few listens to figure it out so that's not the worst thing that you coulda done. but the vocal is relaxed and easy. not a great voice at all - in fact, sorta bad in some ways but it has a charm. it's a paradox to the bed it sits on and that's good. what could have happened withit is that you could have attempted to raise the register of the voice - maybe the octave, in some parts to build dynamics a whole lot. at the least - you could stuck with that part and gone up a third or fifth with a harmony - or if capable - the full octave OVER the existing melody. especially on the chorus .... in fact, it's a a must for the chorus. more vox. and not just doubling but some real harmony and texturing. even if you really struggled to hit the notes, if you came really really close and were screaming - it'd be giving the song some edge and excitement that it tells me it has in it if only you give it a try.

it's a pretty good effort - if not a bit too nicked from the dead seattle blonde boy. work it harder - much harder. you'll have to deal with the comparisons but better to be thought of as working a proven angle than falling well short of it.

I'd really like to hear my suggestions in practice and a better mix - this song might impress me if you pull it off.

good luck with it.